making a list

two things i learned the hard way this weekend:

1. crazy glue got its name for a reason. enough said, i think. there were some scary moments that i don't wish to recall right now.

2. i was way funnier in college than i am now. what happened? i don't know whether to blame new jersey or my job or what. it can't be jersey, though, because anyone who's been on a NJ Transit bus knows this is a damn funny place. the point is this: i used to have razor sharp wit, and now i only have razor sharp teleprompting skillz.

anyway, i made up for these disappointments by staying in my pajamas all day today and consuming my weight in cake batter ice cream. i'm feeling much better now. who needs funny when you can be fat?

p.s. i'm compiling my christmas/chanukah/kwanzaa/winter solstice card list, so if you've been good this year and you don't have the same address as last year, you should email me. if you're a friend or former co-worker, you're getting a card signed by yours truly. if you're a supervisor/manager/scheduler/attractive news anchor from work, you'll be getting something fancy - most likely a gourmet gift basket and an acknowledgement when i pass you in the corridor. if you're the person responsible for the "pooperation" sign, you get my undying gratitude and maybe i'll make out with you at the holiday party.