thank you for your pooperation

killing time right now before the colbert report comes on. it's not that i'm a huge stephen colbert fan or a huge daily show fan, for that matter. but my old pal jim h., formerly of my workplace, is directing the show, so i'm checking it out in his honor.

speaking of my workplace, i have to share with you the funniest thing i've seen at work so far (except for when we covered the selection of the new pope - that was pretty funny, too).

in many public restrooms, you'll see a sign demanding that employees wash their hands before returning to work, but in the cable news environment, i suppose it goes without saying. in the ladies' room, though, there is a sign requesting that ladies place their sanitary products in the appropriate "receptacle." the sign in itself is not particularly funny, but in it's defense, it does give me something to read every time i'm in there. it looks a little something like this:



here's where it gets funny. some clever person has altered the letter C in "cooperation," thereby transforming the word into POOPERATION.



pooperation, people. that's a funny word. also, note that this sign can be found in the LADIES room. that means this toilet humor came from a chick. and i swear to god, it wasn't me. so this means that there is another employee in this very building who finds this shit funny. i like to imagine that it's one of the anchors, looking for a little infantile release. it was probably an intern, though. regardless, every time i see it i laugh out loud, which always makes the person in the next stall VERY uncomfortable. anyway, i've made it my mission to find the culprit to express my appreciation.

question is: how do i find this person? i can't really ask around. do i drop the topic into casual conversation in the break room? "so, have you seen that sign in stall 1 of the bathroom near the west entrance?" hmmm. i'd appreciate thoughts and advice. also, please tell me i'm not the only one who finds this hilarious.

eel's musings

So Ive done a crappy job keeping up with my blogging. So heres are a few musings from me
on a Tuesday afternoon.

Ok. I give in. Big Papi looks like Shrek.  However, as Bassi once said: 

“yes, big papi has broken my vagina and i love it. Every day's an orgasm when you're getting
it on with mo vaughn meets shrek. i heart you Ortiz.”

My feelings exactly.

It has been officially decided that during the fab 3’s next reunion (ps. that’s us), there will be
a meat’normous tasting. Since none of us feel up to the task of tackling one on our own
(we’re not trying to recreate Supersize me or anything)we’re gonna split one.
Don’t worry. We’ll be sure to tell you all about it.

Powerball is up at $340 million. Obviously, I’ve gone out and gotten myself a ticket.
I mean, I know I’m never going to win, but this is why the lottery makes money,
I can’t pass up the possibility of NEVER WORKING AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

First thing I would do is quit my job, and then promise Danger and Bassi that I will support
them with my new found fortune. Maybe I will pay for us all to go back to Tufts. Discuss?  

Everyone should watch Grey’s Anatomy. Its really really good. I haven’t felt so
passionately about a show since the early West Wing.  I never thought I would love again…
and then along came Patrick Dempsey (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001131/)

You should watch. (ABC Sunday at 10pm)

That’s all she wrote. My boss is out for a few days, maybe, if you’re lucky, Ill write again tomorrow

"it's like nothing ever changed"

http://www.neuticles.com/

make sure you check out the merch

manny, i think i'll miss you least of all

i'm still delirious with joy over the red sox' loss to the white sox. not just because i think ozzie guillen is adorable or because el duque has the finest ass in the major league (seriously), but because i hate the red sox, their fans, and the fact that they beat my yankees last year and have since displayed the kind of smug, loudmouth behavior that yankee fans used to have the monopoly on. (hey, you can take away our world championship, but you can't steal our arrogance and get away with it.)

anyway, from the moment pedro "crazy eyes" martinez threw don zimmer to the ground in july '04, and varitek starting picking fights with a-rod (second finest ass in baseball), seeing the red sox lose became as important as seeing the yankees win. and so, even though the yanks are not yet in the ALCS, and they could conceivably still be eliminated, i'm still feeling pretty damn victorious.

and i know it takes a real asshole to kick a team while they're down, but....



p.s. johnny damon, you're the only one i don't hate. come to the dark side.

Meat'Normous

Yes, in case you were wondering that's apparently what you get when you combine meaty and enormous: Meat'Normous.

For my first post, I would like to discuss Burger Kings new creation -- the Meat'Normous Omelet Sandwich -- which boasts "three full slices of crispy bacon, two slices of smokey ham and a sizzling sausage patty between two omelet eggs, two slices of American cheese and a toasted specialty bun," according to a company press release.

"It's like an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet on a bun," the release says.

Now, I enjoy meat as much as the next girl (lets be honest...I enjoy it way more than the next girl) but is this really necessary?

I think it might be necessary for one of us to try the Meat'Normous Sandwich so we can accurately and fairly decide if it is worth the full day's allotment of fat (Calories, fat grams: 770, 47), and the future heart attack, or whether we should just fry up some bacon as a snack (as bassi, danger, and I have been known to do.)

P.S.:

I think danger is totally accurate in her depiction of Bernie Williams. Class Act. Old Fashioned Baseball Player. Clearly well rounded, he has as many talents as Bassi's Dad.

However, my next post will include a fierce defense of any shrek-like insults danger feels the need to throw Big Papi's way.


Ciao

baseball has taken over my life

luckily, i'm not in school anymore, so for once, the postseason won't take a nasty toll on my GPA. it has, however, deprived me of much-needed sleep, and has therefore made me a less valuable employee at the business news network where i work. oh well, it's only basic cable.

anyway, it occurred to me last night that my love for bernie williams knows no bounds. seriously, this man is adorable. i can understand people who hate the yankees because they're flashy and they win all the time. it's the same reason i can't stand the los angeles lakers. but bernie williams?! he's a saint. not only that, but he's got interests other than baseball, which leads me to believe he's well rounded. he stays out of the headlines, he's a quiet warrior, and he plays with the same silent determination that paul o'neill had (my other favorite yankee of all time). plus, he's getting long in the proverbial tooth, and he's not really much of an offensive threat to our opponents anymore, so there's no reason to gang up on bernie. he still plays a pretty mean center field, though. anyway, i hope they retire his number.

next baseball post, i hope to address the following important issues:
-david ortiz and his striking resemblence to shrek.
-los angeles angels: the most unattractive team in baseball.

"i like us, we're excellent." -eel

i think this quote was uttered mere moments after we discovered the regenerative effects of beer and pancakes on both one's work ethic and one's general well-being. that was almost two years ago (!) and it's pretty much been our mantra ever since. in addition to being excellent, we're also funny, cute, smart, and endlessly entertaining. so needless to say, you can expect more brilliance to follow.