so you want to be a rock star...

went indoor rock climbing yesterday and now my arms are so sore that i can barely type this blog entry.
here's our group contemplating the wall:

photos not appearing on beer and pancakes include the one of me clinging to the wall, screaming for my mommy, and the one of me post-climb, curled in a fetal position on the ground, whimpering.

today i combatted the muscle soreness with large doses of aspirin and carrot cake. fuck you, exercise and adventure! now can i go back to reading and watching jeopardy?

if these stalls could talk...

after sushi with michele on friday night, i very smartly put myself to bed early so that i'd be well rested for oktoberfesting on saturday. alas, i woke up late saturday morning to a call from lil, saying that due to inclement weather, there would be no daytime boozing. sad.
determined not to waste the day, i sat on my couch for approximately six hours and caught up on my DVR'ed tv shows: studio 60 and laguna beach. excellent.
then i went to dinner at bennie's, where they serve a tasty falafel and encourage patrons to graffiti the bathroom walls. dear readers, you know by now about my penchant for bathroom graffiti, so of course, i could not resist:

please note the wicker basket of markets atop the toilet. note, also, that in order to capture this photo i had to excuse myself from the table twice - once to use the facilities and once to go back with my camera. the things i do in the name of investigative journalism...

i'm seriously considering starting a new blog dedicated entirely to bathroom graffiti. that's how much i love it.

the weekend in photos

i drove up to boston this weekend to visit my friend abby in her brand new house. here's a picture i took while driving on route 84:

abby and austin's house is beautiful - they have a many rooms, including a guest room and an office, they have a big yard, and a motherfucking white picket fence. in typical massachusetts fashion, the spelling and pronunciation of the town's name are unrelated.

abby and i picked out pumpkins, ate lunch at brighams, shopped, drank tea, watched arrested development and ali g, and had a generally marvelous time.

these are just 2 of the housewarming gifts abby received this weekend. guess which one is from me and which one is from her sister-in-law:

abby's guest bathroom has this crazy wallpaper that the previous homeowners put up. abby and austin hate it, but i think it's not that bad. it's got tiny little illustrations of cape cod:

it was really good to see abby and austin and fenway and deborah and larry and jane and gay head, massachusetts. i'm a masshole at heart.

danger gets unreasonably angry about a commercial for "marie antoinette"

have you seen the tv commercials for "marie antoinette"? nevermind that i can't stand kirsten dunst. let's discuss the fact that in the commercial the announcer voice says "based on a true story."
YOU THINK, ASSHOLES?
fuck you, sophia coppola, and fuck you, kirsten dunst, you snagletoothed bitch.
p.s. jason schwartzman, what are you doing in this movie? (oh right, you're related to the director. yay, nepotism.)

everything i needed to know about high school, i learned from 90210

i've been waiting a long time, but i finally got this email from amazon.com:

We're happy to inform you that the items you requested are now available to order from Amazon.com!

Beverly Hills, 90210 - The Complete First Season

Availability: This title will be released on November 7, 2006. Pre-order now. Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.



now if only they'd put MTV's "daria" on DVD, i'd be set for life...

judging by this entry alone, you'd think i weigh 300 pounds. but i don't, i swear.

sometimes i think i should host a tv show called "danger eats new jersey." it sounds ominous, but really it would just be me and my unfortunate friends eating lots of shit and then talking lots of shit. in other words, it would be a typical weekend.

episode 1:
don't order blintzes at the forum diner. they smell and taste like they've been rubbed on a wet dog, dropped on a plate, and then served to me, for breakfast on saturday morning. not cool. good thing i also ordered a side of bacon.

episode 2: grilled peanut butter and cheese sandwiches, my new favorite food.

lil told me about this sandwich, so when she was over this weekend, we made a couple. not only were the sandwiches delicious, they're high in protein and serve as an ideal pre-game snack before boozing. the bread soaks up all the alcohol and the cheese greases up your arteries so the booze slides right to your brain. the peanut butter is there for goopy deliciousness. (don't worry, favorite post-game snack is still beer and pancakes.) when you all make these sandwiches for yourselves, try not to set off the smoke alarm.

exercising is hazardous to your groin

i pulled my groin (playing tennis, sickos) on sunday. it's...unpleasant. but i am enjoying groaning "oh, my groin!" for the record, this is why i don't exercise.

the you-know-whos lost to the motherfucking detroit tigers. but at least joe's sticking around another year. a-rod, however, should feel free to bite me and go away.

notes on celebrity jeopardy:
-alex trebek is awesome
-drew lachey (brother of nick) is as dumb as he looks
-jane kaczmarek was there but, unfortunately, she didn't bring her husband. boo.

make sure you watch it on november something.

p.s. bassi, if you're reading this in japan: i pulled your dad's groin last night.

college courses at which i would excel, were they offered:

1. procrastination 101
2. the art of t-shirt design
3. mix tape theory
4. physical education: flip cup
5. woodshop (i have alot of experience working with tools)
6. english composition: clever nicknames
7. debate (read: using "your mom" jokes to conclude arguments)
8. quantitative list-making
9. the history of reality tv (oh wait, i taught this class)
10. gastronomy: beer and pancakes as a means of stress reduction/intoxication

that's 21 in blog years.

happy 1st birthday, blog.















...and many more.

here's what people are saying about b + p

"i <3 your ogblay. it's so fresh, so smart. if it were on fox, it would be cancelled." -lil

thanks, buddy.

welcome to my favorite time of year

the leaves are changing color, people are breaking out the sweater-vests, and the yankees are in the playoffs. (the red sox? they're golfing.)
yay october.

them apples

-there will be no more waking up at 4am for work. there will be waking up at 9am, like a normal human being.
-i celebrated my return to normal waking hours by watching alot of YouTube at work on friday. have you all seen this? it's not new, but it's awesome, and eel knows all the words. and will sing it for you if you ask her nicely and give her a few beers.
-i got tickets to celebrity jeopardy. i am really really excited. i hope it's exactly like on SNL (sean connery: "i'll take anal bumcovers for $400")
-i went apple picking with some pals from work on saturday. we, uh, picked apples and lil and i saw teeny little versions of ourselves.

cute, huh? you sort of had to be there to appreciate it fully. needless to say, while they may look adorable and harmless now, these girls are going to grow up to be the charmingly quirky co-leaders of the most exclusive cliques at school and work for the rest of their lives. they may also annoy their friends/co-workers with incessant quoting from short-lived tv sitcoms. one of them may grow up to be a crazy cat lady. maybe.